Driving towards downtown in late September I was torn between enjoying the warmth of the sun streaming in the windows and squinting at its incredible blinding brightness. At this time of the year, the sun is horribly low in the sky during my morning drive dropping off my son at school. As I slowed to a stop behind a vehicle at an intersection I turned my gaze away from the sun to the side window where I glanced around at the changing leaves amazed at how quickly they had changed from green to yellow. As I returned my focus to the intersection the drivers to the left began to advance and I was startled by an alarming blaring horn. I fully expected to see a cruise ship approaching in my rearview mirror. Instead, I saw a very angry man leaning on his horn screaming and waving his other hand infuriated that the lead driver in front of me so rudely stole three seconds away from his life with his selfish pause before accelerating through the intersection into the blazing bright sun. I am as guilty as the lead driver as I too forgot to wear my welding mask and replace my sun visor with a panel from the space shuttle to soften and deflect the intense blazing sun. I also found it hard to tell if the traffic light had actually changed to green with the white spots floating in my vision. With the driver behind me continuing to beat on their horn I struggled to decide what to do next. Now with anger rising within me, not at the driver in front of me but at Captain Angry Pants piloting the cruise ship behind me. I immediately thought “he must have a medical emergency.” No that’s a lie. That thought never even crossed my mind. I thought “what a horrible, jerk face person”. How could that three-second pause make someone that angry!? As I listened to the brilliant prosecuting attorney (me) present more character flaws for jerkface in his closing argument the jury (also me) now on my own as the driver in front of me panicked at the sound of the horn and tore through the intersection and was now nowhere near. Punishment for the defendant came down to two options:

1. Get out, confront him and impose on him a lecture on “normal human behavior”
2. Drive very slowly until he passes me and wave with the back of my hand forming a fist with my middle finger slow to join the others. Also hoping to increase his blood pressure to weaken him enough so that he can’t ram my vehicle, pull me through the window and make me a hood ornament for his cruise ship/SUV.

As I contemplated these options I realized I had another option; do nothing. I took a deep breath and proceeded to drive responsibly and by the time I was through the intersection I watched and heard the SUV roar past me still using their horn to signal the lighthouse on the beach.

For quite some time after I quietly cursed about this person and how they could get so upset within three seconds? Then I realized that’s all it took for me to get upset with him!! Within seconds of nearly losing the contents of my colon from the shocking sound of the horn, I went from enjoying a lovely fall morning to HULK SMASH!   Who am I? Jason Bourne? Bruce Banner? Am I inflicted with the same horrible cross wired brain as he and the only difference between him and I are my horn sounds like you stepped on my dog’s chew toy and his a cruise ship? I am hoping that although I felt the anger and needed a deep breath to let it pass you’ll all agree that I’m different, a nicer kind of kray kray, right?

Or maybe we are the same. If you hear the sound of a squeeze toy constantly ringing through the streets or see me sitting uncomfortably on the hood of an SUV you’ll know the line is very, very thin. Time to sign off and put in some time doing downward “squeaky” dogs to calm my mind.

Very kindly, politely,  until you get on my nerves
Jason Bruce Banner Bourne